Why things are the way they are

This is going to ruffle more than a few feathers, and most probably bad for public image, but there are things I really need to say and question.

Does everyone think all that blogshop owners do is "purchase" nice clothes and place them online for sale (and watch the money roll in)? I got the impression during lunch with a group of friends, people I knew but didn't know, if you get what I mean. And from my turn at managing emails this week, it seems like some have that impression as well. That I had nothing better to do except bum around and go for manicures. Or that we were worthless individuals who couldn't score better jobs in respectable roles.

And well, after 2 years of doing this full time, my answer is an emphatic no.

Of course if you were to ask me if I would have preferred going back to my audit life, I would have told you no, but it wasn't the difficulty level involved in audit work. It was the stupendous display of bootlicking techniques plus politics I had enough of. The crunch work, I could more than deal with. After all, it was a set skill you hone day in and out; eventually you learn it well enough to do it in your sleep. I wasn't a good auditor, passable, yes, but not passionate enough (like some of my more talented peers) to push for vast improvements in the clients' systems. And I am not the sort of person who is alright with doing things I am not good at.

So I said goodbye, and decided I wanted to 卖衣服, lol. That's in my parents' words. They didn't understand why a graduate would want to deal with work like this. They still don't. They come from an era where getting a good education meant you could score a cushy job in an air conditioned office, and eventually rise high enough to manage (and boss) a lot of people around. And your remuneration would be comfortable enough for 2 long haul flights to exotic locations annually.

I did consider heading back to school, or moving on to another sector in the finance industry, but hey, you are only young once so might as well try things you know you won't have the guts to try when you are older. Or maybe I was just convincing myself I was not suited to work in an office environment, lol.

If you ask me if I miss anything about my old life, I would tell you no. Well, maybe the money yes, because it was good, (I could buy all the shoes I wanted, with a few branded bags thrown in) but the lifestyle, no. Money came at a price. I was sleeping barely 4 hours a day, with managers and subordinates alike, having no respect for personal time (hello work emails at 4am, and good luck if you don't reply them by 7am). I had perpetual dull skin and an unhealthy body that bailed on me every other week.

And if you ask me now if it is any better doing this, I wouldn't really know what to say. Because I am still sleeping less than I should, but I know if I sleep in, I will not get murdered by Yingdan the way my ex-bosses would have murdered me. I am still rushing deadlines every other week, but if I can't finish something, I can just not. The only person who will blame me is myself. I've got my health back, I have time to eat meals with my family, and I feel smug about doing a manicure at 3pm in the day, just because I can.

My life is a whirlwind of launches and stocktakes. I no longer wear make up and heels to work. Denim shorts are my staple now along with havianas. Being a blogshop owner is not a glamourous affair. My dad is appalled with the way I abuse the car. I stuff it to the brim with stocks and dirty his leather seats with the stock bags. It's an over glorified delivery van. I carry large recycle bags worth of stocks while running through Citylink, trying to make it to the KissJane store for restocks before the sales ladies close for the day. I no longer need to go to the gym, because moving stocks twice a week is more work than you think it is (and this is also the reason why LP hires males).

There are days when I question myself if this is what I want.
Days when I man the shop (when the sales staff is on leave) and walk-in customers deem me to be 卖衣服的小妹 and my ego gets bruised. Because like it or not, I admittedly am one (even for that few short hours), and if I honestly felt that way, then wasn't I insulting the gazillion number of women doing sales jobs, including the very lovely person I hire myself at the store? Or was I just subscribing to the stereotype that uni graduates should be doing something more than this? And all the women who walked in, who treated me condescendingly, most probably thought the same way: that the sales person at the shop was most likely not highly educated and thus could be subjected to tactless words and soft bullying. (On a side note, I used to be CS officers' worst nightmare: I would take the effort to write long sarcastic complaint letters when I felt the service did not equate to the monies I paid. Now it's more like me to write long letters of praise when I get good service. Because yes, these people really need the kind words when they deserve it.)

It's not easy running your own business. You are the brains and the labour all rolled into one. We pay the rent on our office, hire our own staff, and mop the floor every week as well (ok, Yingdan, not me).  I was just telling Yingdan the other day, that our new year resolution would be to stop having to do unglam things. Like her lugging a gazillion parcels to meetups, only to have some disappear on her last minute because they simply forgot. And she has to lug everything back again after waiting fruitlessly for them to turn up. It's rude irresponsible behaviour, there's no other explanation for this.

And the most ridiculous thing both of us did in the early days? When the factory mixed up the color of the buttons on a backorder, and two of us sat in her living room removing and sewing three buttons on each piece of item. I can still remember the color of the item and buttons now.

Of course I know we are in the service industry, and we try, we honestly do. But I am not good at shutting off. Or not taking things personally. I get affected every time I deal with rude people who think it is ok to say mean things because they are behind an email address. It doesn't matter whether I offer solution A to Z, it is considered bad customer service as long as these people do not get their way. I then get threats to report us to the authorities plus smearing our brand name on public domains. I get upset when competitors do something that is so wrong, I don't even know why anyone can do that. And yes, after 2 years of this, I am still like this.

Some days I tell myself it's ok, things will be better. I feel a lot safer with my camera and photoshop. And it's a wonder how I've managed in this industry, because customer service is not my forte. I thank god there's Yingdan to save my sorry ass and that we complement each other; LilyPirates would have never worked out otherwise. Some days I wonder what I am doing with my life. There's no easy route to success I know, but is this road less-travelled the one for me?

I don't honestly know the main point of my extremely random blog entry, it's just a mishmash of thoughts that have been floating through my head the entire week, about the choices I've made, and how people see them. And so till I figure out what I really want, life goes on.