LilyPirates: late night musings

you know how sometimes at night, you pause and wonder what the heck you are doing with your life?

and yes, that just happened to me, while i was happily scuttling around, trying to squeeze in yet another round of photoshopping. (small weekend launch anyone?)

i wondered whether this was it, whether i was going to spend countless days and nights with photoshop, lj and gmail. and how my life was turning into a whirlwind of designs and samples, with a dash of tiresome suppliers and customers. it seems as though things only hit when you stop in mid step and think, gosh, has the year just slided by once more, without you having any inkling at all?

i wondered about how the beliefs i once held so firmly to, were now faint shadows in my life. and where there used to be only black and white, now drowned with an overwhelming amount of grey.

i wondered about the people i thought i knew, and how events of late made me realized not everyone was the same anymore. cliche as it sounds, people change, people move on. it's not a good nor a bad thing, it happens and sometimes, all there's left to do is to shrug and well, move on too. it's something i am trying to get used to, but sometimes it hits really hard and i am left floundering in the corner.

i desperately need to believe that if i keep trying, i will get there eventually (there being wherever i need to be, for my ego and pride to be satisfied, and for my heart to finally feel as though things will be alright anyhow). but yet there are moments, moments like this, when my heart skips a beat and the panic courses through my body: what if i never get there?

and so i suppose, we can only tell ourselves, everything will be okay somehow and strangely enough, once you muster enough guts to say it out loud, it sounds a lot more plausible.

xxx

alright, now that i've penned down my incoherent thoughts, here's on to more frivolous ermmm stuff.
for the umpteenth time in my short 24 years of life, why is there no h/m in singapore! :(