I wonder.

I think I've developed a tendency to get emo towards year ends. It's like a tiny bubble of panic blowing up along my insides, which I've consistently (and successfully) ignored for most parts of the year, that is now threatening to spill over and engulf me in its full acidic glory. Gruesome imagery but hey, you get the point.

The past few days saw me digging through my work archives, looking at long forgotten to do lists, and basically whipping everyone around me into my silly whirlwind of emotions. How many times can you allow your heart (& ego) to get bruised? Or to cave in to insecurities that you were never brave enough to confront? Or to actually stomach failure and criticism the right way, and make something positive amidst the negativity hanging like dark cobwebs in the recesses of your mind.

The feeling of being inadequate, of not doing enough, for yourself, and for everyone/everything who/which matters. That's the gist of the avalanche of thoughts that flood my mind every time December hits, and my entire being takes a huge beating. 21 days left to put things right with my last ditch attempts, to swim through the complications and end the year feeling like it's not been too bad after all. It gets harder every year, because growing up means you finally understand that no you cannot change the world and santa claus doesn't exist.

Anyhowww, end of short random post. Will digest the photoshoot pictures that Mr. Busybee Wilson rushed out now and put up the lookbook soon(er).